Tuesday, November 2, 2010

my most important relationship

so i was driving around town today and a thought hit me... i don't talk about the most important relationship in my life. sure, i go on and on and on about Sailor Man, or Princess and Itty bitty. and yes, they are my life. But there is someone i put above them. God. i may have mentioned my faith once or twice in a blog, but not the way I should have. and even now, i may not go to church as often as others do...but i talk to Him daily...if not Hourly.

For so many years, i had the type of relationship with my Savior where i would only "talk" to Him if i felt i needed to. Some of you may know what i mean, those quick little desperate prayers you say when a relative is sick, or you hit a speed bump in life, or even when you are getting pulled over by a cop and REALLY don't need a ticket. I took the fact that he was there for granted. and i have to say...He was quite patient with me. He would give me a nudge every so often, reminding me that He was there, and all i needed to do was turn to Him. And i would...for a few days or weeks. nothing too major. Then I would stray again.

Until about 2 months ago.

2 months ago, I was brought to my knees. My world stopped turning. I walked away for days, in a fog, not even knowing how to breathe. I went into auto pilot, i was so numb. My future was completely wiped out and I had no idea what to do. My soul was exposed to the very core...and damn did it hurt.

I was just existing in this fog when suddenly a quote popped into my head "When life bring you to your knees, your in the perfect position to pray" (I've blogged previously, about a similar quote and how it helped me). And i realized...i WAS on my knees...crawling around blind and unfeeling. So i did what came oh so naturally...I got down on my knees, pressed my hands together, bowed my head...and talked. I talked to the person who had been waiting around since the day I was conceived, just waiting on me to fully open my heart to him. I kneeled in that position for a long time. i unloaded all my burdens, all my hurts and upsets, every doubt, every fear. Every single fiber of myself went out in that conversation with God. When i was finished, i threw back my arms and let out a good yell. My Way, of giving it all to God.

Afterwards it was amazing. the fog was gone. I was at peace. I was comforted.

Ever since that day, my life is A LOT less stress full. I feel like I am a much better wife, and a much better mother. I needed to go through such a trying time, BC it opened my eyes. Now i am REALLY seeing...for the first time


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