Saturday, January 30, 2010

Perfect Song

I'm a huge music lover. a Firm believer that listening to a certain song can change your day, your perspective, your feeling. I almost always have some sort of music playing in my house, and tho i suck, i love to sing along to the radio in the shower and the car. Pretty sure i passed this down to my daughters lol!

Well, i came across this song on a friends page and i just had to add it. I'm listening to it right now, for the 4th time today lol! its the perfect song for a wife who is going thru a deployment right now, and conveys all the feelings i am feeling or have felt in the past.

The Youtube video of her singing it

"Morgan's Song"
Written and Performed By Becca Rae Greene

It's raining tonight Outside the window
I try to close my heavy eyes
The thunder roars Tearing the quiet
Like the heartbeat of the sky
It's hard to fall asleep when you can't see the stars
So I hope it never rains wherever you are

Do you think of me?
Are you tired of being strong?
Where do you lay down at night?
How does it feel?
Do you dream of coming home?
I wanna know what it's like'Cuz you have my heart, wherever you are

It's cold in this bed I hate December
And I count down the days It's been so long
But I remember And your love is worth the wait
I need to feel the warmth I'm missing in your arms
I hope it's never cold wherever you are

Do you think of me?
Are you tired of being strong?
Where do you lay down at night?
How does it feel?
Do you dream of coming home?
I wanna know what it's like'Cuz you have my heart, wherever you are

I was there for every smile, every laugh
And I'll be right here when you get back

Do you think of me?
And are you tired of being strong?
Where do you lay down at night?
How does it feel?
Do you dream of coming home?
I wanna know what it's like'
Cuz you have my heartYou have my heart, you have my heart
Wherever you are."

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Getting there!

Heck yes! i FINALLY reached my 3rd trimester today!!! so excited lol! im now 27 weeks and have, at most, 10 more weeks until Miss Delilah Mary McClain makes her grand entrance!

those of you close to me know what a HUGE milestone this is to my family. With how easily we got pregnant with Addison, chris and i were certain it would take only a few months AT MOST to finally be pregnant with #2. sooooo wasn't the case! It took us well over a year to conceive Lilah, and it was probably the hardest year I have ever been thru. Each month that I wasnt pregnant, i would blame myself and wonder what i was doing wrong. Im so thankful for the strong support system my family and friends provided me thru that very hard and dark time!

I remember with such clarity, that day in August when we found out we were finally pregnant. I was sitting in the middle of my living room and chris was about to head up to walmart to get a few things we needed. I randomly asked him to grab me a pregnancy test, like i always did every month. when he got home, i went to take it in the rest room. did the whole "pee on the stick" and set it down while i washed my hands and fixed my hair. I was about to walk outta the bathroom when i realized i never looked at the test. you could see how used to big fat negatives i was lol. i look down at the test and for a full 60 seconds i just stood there in shock, with my mouth hanging open. I kept rubbing my eyes, swearing that they were playing tricks on me bc the test in my hand was POSITIVE!

I stumbled out of the bathroom and walked up to Chris, who was on the computer. I couldn't talk and I'm pretty sure my mouth was still hanging open lol. It took him a sec to notice I was standing by him and when he finally did, he got all worried bc of my expression. He kept asking me what was wrong, but i couldn't talk. Finally, i just shoved the test at him. I wish you all could have see the HUGE smile he got on his face...i swear it was about to split his face open! Seeing how ecstatic he was all i could do was....sit in his lap and cry!

They were happy tears tho lol! i cried for all the months i had been let down with negatives, and each time my hopes had gotten dashed by those negative. it was a cleansing cry :)

I cant wait to meet this little girl inside of me, and to see what a great big sister i know Addison will be. Yes, my amazing husband will miss the birth and that hurts both of us...but its worth it to have our long awaited miracle.



Sunday, January 24, 2010

Random thoughts

For the longest time, I walked around with my head in the clouds. I pretended i didnt see some hatefulness that was going on around me, and let myself be manipulated into thinking and doing things i didnt approve of. I didnt like myself very much at this time, but i just pretended everything was alright, and like i said, walked around with my head in the clouds.

2009 was a hard year for me. i lost alot of friendships and valued those that turned out to have no true meaning behind them. When that one specific friendship failed, and i thought i had truly seen the light, i placed all the blame on the opposite person. I felt everything I had done, said, and participated in during that said friendship was all her fault. But lately i have learned, that tho not all decisions and actions made were my own, I was the one in charge of the decisions and actions that I myself made.

what? what on earth? did mikayla really have an epiphany? lol. yup.

It's useless blaming others for your actions. Yes, they may have played a part in them, but the end decision is your own. YOU are the one that ultimately decides what will be done. I've come to terms with this now, and i think it has FINALLY helped me grow up and see the "true" light. and im thankful for it.

Growing Up doesnt stop the day you turn 18, the day you graduate, the day you get married, become a mother, move out, etc etc. Its a lifelong process. while we may stop "growing up" physically at sometime, we never stop it emotionally.

There you go, that is my random thought posting for the day :)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

see what i see?

so as i was sitting around at Pass and ID on base today, i noticed something a little off. can you see it too?

lol, hello birdie! for some reason, seeing the bird standing like that on the truck had me cracking up!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dear John...

ok first off, i am friggen DYING to see this movie!!!! lol! And bc i am overly emotional with this pregnancy and deployment, i am soooo making all my girlfriends go with me lol!

and now 2nd of all, to the more serious reason of this blog post tonight. When i was watching the preview, i was thinking of all the guys (and girls, too) who have recieved "dear john" letters while deployed overseas. to me, its just so sad. It reminds me of the pre-deployment briefing my husbands ship had in december. The chaplain got up and was talking about the usual stuff, and then he briefly touched on the subject of adultry. Basically, his advice? DONT COMMIT IT! lol! and he said if you do, DO NOT write/email your husband or S/O while they are out to sea to confess, just to make yourself feel better. wait to say anything until they get home. honestly, i agree with him 100%. Chris, tho, didnt. He believes that waiting to tell your significant other about the cheating, will just make the situation worse. my response? Cheating is cheating, cant really get any worse lol.

I just believe that if you are going to become the scum of the earth, and cheat on your husband during a deployment, then YES he does deserve to know. but not when he is out there, defending our country. It will take his focus off the mission at hand. It could endanger not only his life, but those lives around him. Anyone get my meaning? lol!

I'm extremely thankful for the strong marriage I have, and the trust that we have established over the past 4 years. He is truly the love of my life, and we tell eachother that on an almost daily basis. We have never had reason not to trust one another, and for that i am so grateful. Living on a navy base for 1 1/2 years, i saw other wives cheating on their husbands too many times to count. to me, that is just DISGUSTING! In my eyes, there is no reason to ever sleep with someone other than your husband, ever. But then again, if you are seperated, that is another thing all together. Basically, it depends on the couples for that, and no judgement is passed from me on that subject. off topic i think? crap, what was i saying? oh yea, basically, those women who cheat on their husbands during deployment and send stupid "dear john" letters to them to let them know, and to file for divorce, are pretty close to the worse scum of the earth. But then again, thats my opinion. and this is my blog, so i get to voice my opinion alllllll i want lol!
until my next thought decides to take shape into a blog, xoxo

Sunday, January 17, 2010

my trip to L and D at 25 weeks preggers

so it all started yesterday, around mid morning. i went to the mall with my best friend for lunch and some shopping. then had to go to a bday party. at the party i started having what i thought was BH. didnt hurt too much at first, just made it really hard to breathe and talk thru them. I ended up leaving the party early and all the way home (an hour long drive) i had baddd contraction, and was timing them. they were coming between 5 and 10 minutes apart and lasting almost a minute. i got home and thought if i laid down with some water, it would make everything better, and that i had just been overdoing it lately. unfortunately, the laying down lasted about a minute, bc the next contraction i got caused me to throw up. thank goodness my friend Erica was able to drop everything and bring Addison and I up to Labor and Delivery. i was sure i would get there, and they would monitor me for a little bit and show nothing was wrong and send me home.

sooo didnt happen lol! we got there and i was immediatly whisked back, bc of my placenta previa and history of preterm labor with my daughter and as soon as the monitors were on they picked up my very strong and big contractions. the doctors and nurses and were awesome and kept making me laugh inbetween to get my mind off everything. The doc orderd that one test, that shows if labor is coming in the next 2 weeks. thank the lord, it came back negative! they can a battery of other tests and they came back showing that i have an infection. something caused bacteria vaginosis (sp?). i must have gotten a weird look on my face when the doc told me that, bc he started laughing and said "no, its not your fault. im not calling you dirty. this happens to many women, especially during pregnancy" i think he said its caused by a hormone inbalance, idk lol! basically, he said it is irritating my cervix and causing my body to go into labor.

Let me tell ya, when i left that hospital, and all night long, i felt like someone had freaking hit me in the tummy with a baseball bat! even right now, its still sore to the touch! plus, Delilah didnt like the contractions and kicked during EACH and EVERY one of them lol! little stinker!

so im back on bedrest (woohoo lol) and my inlaws are being awesome and took Addison last night and are keeping her for me until tomorrow, that way my antibiotics have some time to kick in and get the contractions stopped.

I am SOOO eternally grateful to my friends who were there for me last night! i know i can always count on them, and they just keep proving it again and again!!!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Growing Baby

STILL going thru old pics lol! Kinda crazy to look back to when i first started to show with this pregnancy, and see how much bigger i am now!!!!

Before pregnancy (actually, this was the day before the date of conception lol)

12 Weeks, when i first "popped".

19 Weeks:

And now 25 weeks. HUGE difference, huh? lol!!!

Cant wait to see the next big change!!!

missing him a little more each breathe i take

going thru my photobucket (DANG i have alot of pics in it lol) and i came across my VERY fave picture of Christopher and Addison. i can remember exactly when it was taken. It was on his lunch break when he still worked at publix. addy was sooo little. only about 2 months old. whereeeeeee did the time go, lord?

its pictures like this that make me miss him even more.

Throwing a Fit

Although i absolutely HATE when my 3 year old decides to throw a fit, i had to take a page outta her book today!

last night, my garbage disposal decided to freaking quit working in the middle of me feeding it left over spagetti. it then proceeded to back up BOTH of my kitchen sinks ANd my dishwasher. Not to mention it started freaking leaking dirty water underneath my sink! gross huh? all i can say is, thank GAWD my morning sickness is gone or i would have been blowing chunks! haha!

so i put in a service request thru my home warranty company. then got up today, expecting the repair company to call me to set up an appt today. they never did. so i repeatedly called them, over and over and over again, and left numerous voicemails, telling them my problem. Finally, at 1pm, i got ahold of someone. She told me that i "called too late in the afternoon and no technicians are available until late monday afternoon".

seriously? I called to late? maybe ya'll should answer your phone in the morning, when i freaking first called!

so i called my warranty company be honest...i played the "dumb, helpless, preggo navy wife" card haha! told them i was pregnant, with a 3 year old, my husband was deployed, and there was no way for me to fix this myself and it was soooo gross. yup, i even pulled out a few tears! they called the first repair company to discuss an earlier appt with them, and guess what? the company wouldnt return THEIR call! which actually worked in my favor, bc they now fully believed that the company was at fault for not being available for an earlier appt. The nice dispatcher at my warranty company then proceeded to call TEN diff repair companys and found one who is on their way here now to fix my satanic garbage disposal! woohoo!

so tho we tell our children that throwing temper tantrums are bad and blah blah blah....sometimes they can actually WORK! lol!


some of you may or may not know, that my Dad isnt my biological father. He married my momma when i was 6 and my sister was 9. and from that day, he has been my dad in every way. I love him to death and blood isnt an issue with us, when you have loads and loads of love. But until my momma married him, my uncle Stevie, who is also my god father, was the father figure in my sister and my lives. i have so so so many great memories of him growing up. to this day, i look back and picture him as the funny uncle, so tall and strong, who used to let us eat twinkies for breakfast when we would visit. Even when we moved halfway across the country with my Dads job, from MA to IL, he and my aunt mary kept in very close contact with us.

well..that strong man i remember is fading away...he has Liver disease and is extremely sick. Just a month ago, he was hospitalized for over a month. His liver isnt functioning anymore, isnt doing its job AT ALL and is in failure. He is on the national transplant list, but they keep saying he isnt "sick enough" for this much needed transplant. He doesnt even need a partial transplant, he needs a whole new one.

when my momma was visiting last week, we called uncle stevie and aunt mary to check in with them. It was so...sad, to hear this man sound so sick, and in pain. in all my life, i cant remember him EVER being anything other than healthy and upbeat. He was like a really big teddy bear. and now this disease is threatening his life. As for my aunt mary? shes a nurse, so it has to be hurting her to understand more about this condition than the average spouse would. but of course, she tried to stay upbeat on the phone for us, but momma and i could hear the emotion in her voice. My aunt and uncle have the kind of love story that they make movies out of... Its never been just "uncle stevie" or just "aunt mary". its always been the two of them, together forever.

I pray, so much, that he gets the liver he needs and deserves. the liver he needs to LIVE.

This was a big wakeup call to my family, to cherish everyone you have, every moment you have, every memory you have made....

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A Year Ago

Its kinda crazy to think and remember where i was a year ago....

Exactly a year ago, i was:
20 years old
mommy to an almost 2 year old
lived on base
had a BF i thought was great and would never talk bad about me (biiiig eye roll)
engrossed in the NS Mayport drama
looking for a job
not very happy in my life
was trying to get pregnant and had been for what seemed like forever

Today I am:
21 years old
Still married <3 and more in love than before
Mommy to an almost 3 year old
OWN my own house, woohoo!!!!!!
Found my real and true friends!
thank god, the drama is gone!!!
Couldnt be happier with my life!
6 months pregnant with Delilah <3
going thru a 2nd deployment
turning into a neat freak lol

ok, that may not seem like alot of changes to most people, but to me it is!

soo YAY for changes!

Meet My Family <3

The McClains

Mikayla: 21 (soon to be 22 in feb). Navy Wife and SAHM. Loves to read. My momma is my BFF, not ashamed to admit it. believes bubble baths can cure anything. Will do anything in the world for my family and friends.

Christopher: 21. Love of my life and HS sweetheart. In the US Navy as an IT3. Has had the same 2 best friends since 3rd grade. Loves Ninja Turtles and the Phillies. Die Hard UF Gator Fan. VERY protective of Daddy's Little Girls <3>

Addison Tatum: Turns 3 March 7th. Obsessed with disney princess. Loves Pink. would rather dance, than walk. First grandbaby on both sides of the family, aka SPOILED. Daddys little girl from the day she was born. Mommys pride and joy.

Delilah Mary: due april 29th, 2010. mommy and daddy are ecstatic to have another little girl. her signature color will be purple. will be born while daddy is deployed, expecting to meet him around 3 months or so. already giving mommy a run for her money, and shes not even born yet!

First Blog Entry, 2nd Deployment

Like the title says, this is my first blog entry, during our 2nd deployment.

I've been kicking around the idea of starting a journal, to write thoughts and letters to my husband and daughters, to read after this deployment. But then again, who really does the whole journal thing again? honestly, its all about online blogs now, am i right? and truthfully, pens are kinda rare and very easy to dissapear in my house, so odds are an old fashioned journal wouldnt make it past 1 or 2 entries lol!

I've decided to name this blog "Dear Deployment, We Hate you". bc its true lol. i do hate deployments. But just bc i personally hate it, doesnt mean it makes me any less proud of my husband. I can b**** and complain about him being gone and missing this and that, but seriously...HE is the one having to miss so much. And he has NEVER complained about it, not once. I know it is hurting him, to miss so much of our 3 year old Addisons life, and now to be missing the birth of our 2nd daughter, Delilah. But hes handling it like a champ. He doesnt like to talk about it tho, but im pretty sure its bc he doesnt want to worry me. what a sweetie. Gotta love him.

Crap, i think i got off topic. yea, that tends to happen when i talk about my family lol. what can i say, im a lucky lucky girl!!!

Where was I?

Oh yea. so pretty much, this is my blog. lol. I will post alot (hopefully) in it during the next 7 months or so. So yea....stay tuned :)